I have a couple questions for you. Do you like to party? Who doesn’t, am I right? Do you also like to party so hard that you send your life and the lives of people that you love down an infinite spiral of doom? Ok, that was three questions. Sorry, I didn’t mean to trick you. I’m here to earn your trust. If you answered yes or no to any of these questions, then we’re going to need to talk. And by “talk” I mean I’m going to write and you’re going to read. I’m going to let you in on the meaning of life right here in this very blog post. Ready? The meaning of life is to party, but not too hard. Although everyone’s favorite partier, Andrew W.K., would appear to have you believe otherwise, it’s clear that even he knows when to say “when.” Also, science suggests that biology is the main determinant in who can party a little and who can party till the cows come home (where’d they go?). Therefore, we were not all created equal by the party gods.
I say all this to inspire in you a yearning for the good life. If you often find yourself drunk, high, or lost in a southwestern desert, maybe it’s time for a change. And if you do find yourself wandering through a California desert valley…say…the Antelope Valley, then do what any right minded desert wanderer would do and find some Antelope Valley rehab treatments. Failing to do so would be very unwise, considering the possibility of stumbling into the nest of a Gila monster while in your altered state. I’m sorry if that scared you, but I know from experience that scaring people is the best way to get them out of the desert and into a caring environment.
So if you’re tired of spending your hot, creosote-filled days thirsty and yearning for a cool drink of family acceptance then it’s time you stopped looking for parties in the bottom of cactus bottles and start tumble-weeding your way into the arms of friends.

